


Adopting a human

by NYWCgirl



Series: Soft Kitty verse [29]
Category: White Collar
Genre: Gen, Humor, Soft kitty verse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-04
Updated: 2015-02-04
Packaged: 2018-03-10 11:25:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3288629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NYWCgirl/pseuds/NYWCgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Neal has a talk with the neighborhood cats about adopting a human</p>
            </blockquote>





	Adopting a human

Ever since Neal was allowed outside, he joined the Group of local cats that gathered every week to discuss several of life´s mysteries. 

Mortimer opened the meeting. “Tonight, we will be talking about adopting a human. As you know, I have adopted two, but I know that some of you are still in doubt. Neal, our newest member, has two humans in his care and even as a kitten, he has them well trained, we see a great future for him in training humans.” 

Neal got up from a garden chairs in one of the gardens of DeKalb Avenue and gracefully jumped on a table in the middle of the garden. He recognized a couple of local cats, but there were also a couple of cats he didn´t recognize, probably homeless cats. 

“First of all, you have to realize that adopting a human will be time consuming, as humans tend to need a lot of care and attention, just like Blondie over at my house.”

The other cats snickered at Neal´s referral to the dog that lived in his house. They frequently played with the dog, he was a sucker for hide and seek and chase games.

“You cannot leave humans alone at home, they will do who knows what. For instance, they will start searching for you, they will even put out a BOLO. We have all seen them, pamphlets on lamp posts and other public places, with a picture of you with morning hair or in some other embarrassing pose. They will even write personal details on the notes. So never leave them alone too long.”

A couple of cats nodded, it had happened to them before.

Neal continued with his tips to keep humans. “Never accept a closed door. You have the right to know what your human is doing. But also be careful, because as I told you before, my human followed me outside the house and got hit by a car, luckily, he was not hurt too badly, but still, it could have been much worse. So be careful with doors.”

“But what if I want to go outside?” Missy, a beautiful white Main Coon from three doors down asked.

“The first thing you need to do, is train your human in opening doors for you. You can do this, by walking up to the door and then loudly meowing. Normally that should do the trick. Most humans will react to loud meowing. Once they open the door, you can always decide not to go outside, by just standing in the door and then going back in. Keep doing this on a regular interval as humans need repetition.” Neal look at Missy and she gave him a small smile.

Tom, the next door cat had a question, so Neal let him address the problem in front of the other cats.

“My humans need less sleep than I do, so how should I handle this?”

“Try to get as much sleep as you can get during the day, they will be busy and you can sleep. During the night, just keep them awake, so they will adjust to your sleep pattern and not the other way around.”

Eventually, Keeva, a tabby cat with elderly pets, joined the discussion. “But what do I do when my pets don´t behave as I want them to?”

Ah, this was one Neal had experience in. “Sometimes the only way is to discipline a human, however well trained he or she is. But remember, never to invoke serious harm. At the most, mark with a soft paw on the human's arm or hands, they are elderly, their skin isn´t as resilient as it used to be. Try first to make your human understand what it has done wrong. And most importantly: be patient!”

Neal looked around and then remembered something he wanted to say. “Oh, and don´t forget, humans tend to grow old, so you probably have to spend the rest of your life with them, like Keeva. Think whether you are prepared to take care of them when there are old and sick, before you adopt one.”

Keeva nodded in agreement. “When they get older, they do get sick more often, their sight and hearing will get worse and they get slow so you need to consider the fact that elderly humans will not always be available to you.”

“Thank you Keeva; for that insight in elderly humans. If you stick to my tips, your human will be trained in no time at all!”

All the cats thanked Neal for his tips and ended the meeting to return to their homes or wherever they needed to be.

Mortimer was impressed with the kitten and asked Neal if he would be joining the next meeting. The topic would be ‘How to entertain your human. Neal told him that he would be delighted to join them.

Neal was proud of himself when he walked back to the backdoor of the house and started wailing. Within a couple of seconds, the human, Peter, opened the door, demanding where Neal had been.

 _See, they can´t live without me_ , Neal thought, while he leisurely strolled through the door to check out what was in his food bowl.

**Author's Note:**

> BOLO: Be On Look Out
> 
> Cross-posted from my LJ: http://nywcgirl.livejournal.com/21124.html


End file.
